not sleeping anymore ¹

``Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.''
- Jules de Gaultier

You come to me at night while I'm awake
You come to me when I'm alone
You come to me and change my mind
You come to me for love is blind-

And I'm not sleeping anymore...
And I'm not sleeping anymore...anymore...

You tell me you don't trust me
You tell me when I'm lying-and you're right.
You tell me that I'm not the one-

You lay beside me naked
Laugh at me, a freckled nose
You call me ``jokey'' and smile that certain smile-

I'm not sleeping anymore...
I'm not sleeping anymore...anymore...

1-2-3-4-5-6-7 a.m.
and I'm all alone again...

I've been through all this shit so many times before
But I don't learn it anymore...
it's even getting differently-
harder than it used to be?

Another night in self-defence,
while lyrics pour from eloquence
Cry about my innocence-
But hey I ain't that innocent anymore-
my self-hate grows and smells from every pore...

I see you on T.V. I see you on the movies
I see you everywhere and everytime I close my eyes
I thought this time...
I would do everything right?
Oh, I'm not sleeping anymore...
I'm not sleeping anymore...anymore...
...anymore! ...more! ...more!

thirtyone ²

``What do you want?'' she said.
And all I had to answer was ``Nothing.''

This kid is old and overgrown
a childish grin and tear stained eyes-
All these wasted dreams...
can't open, can't open my heart to anyone-
Thought you were my sunbeam?
Now I stand here dying, disillusioned, and scared-
a broken romeo, afraid of sunlight, whish it were night.
I gotta get outta here, and gotta be on my own
Please don't touch me, please don't fall for me
please forget me, I shall soon pass by...

And I still don't know what I'm looking for,
for when I thought I found what I've missed so far
you said that it's not you...
so what is there left to say?
Way! Way! Hey, get away from me!
Leave! Leave! Leave me alone-
just gotta be on my own...
Can't find, can't find, my way...

And hey, I'm not joking
this old kid is me.

love you, marian ³

I was wasted yesterday
and I don't eat no fish at all
I woke up in pieces on the other day for
you had dissapeared again
I wish you were inside of me to find that I'm sincere
And all I hope is that you're ok and resting quietly
I just want to say-
love you, marian

not all men are meant to be cowboys from chicago
so some of us are clowns
and one of those is me
I hope you gonna find the trust you need
to put some faith in me...
and feel what I feel for you-
love you, marian

I will think of you in Cuba
I will miss you when you're gone...
I will wait a lifetime if I have to-
why don't you slip into something confortable?
while I wrap myself in rain...
for you're the queen of frankfurt
and I'm the king of pain.
We're just never meant to be a hit
we make but the perfect imperfect fit-

Just wanna be the last thing you here
before you fall asleep-
love you, marian

getaway ⁴

``Ok, let's go'', she said, and left my life.
Just her fading backlights, right down the A2.⁵

All in all it's no big difference
I love her, and she just gives me pain
She's just another getaway...
but someday, one day
I'm gonna make her stay-
but ok, it's not today... ⁶

``...an agony in 4 fits.''

waiting 'til... ⁷

So you really thought I'd leave?

When you ruffled my feathers and caused me grief, left me feeling small?
I got bad news for you baby, for I'm back to the circus, standing tall...
And I stand here waiting, waiting for a sign,
waiting for your kiss, and I don't wanna hear I'm waisting time.

I've been waiting for you for all my life
seems I'll be waiting for you 'til the end of time...?
I waited for you all day long, please stand there waiting,
just gotta go to Cuba, I'll get back to you...hold the line...

You ask me who I am-
Well, I'm the 90s Michelangelo, and I'm a stupid fool
I can make you laugh or cry or move your feelings anywhere I want
sometimes I'm the clown who's much to loud,
and I can touch you without even reaching out
sometimes I'm crude and awful, a bad nervewrecking dude,
and then my mind becomes an open hall
and I change into a silent knight in shining armor
born to protect you from it all
I can make your senses reel and fall-you bet?

Sometimes I am ecstatic, sometimes I'm broken, down and low
I'm Dr Joke & Mr Hide, the terrific one-man-show...
I will stand here waiting, waiting for you wherever you will go...
And when I lay on a Cuban beach watching out onto the moon
I heared an angle whispering
that home in Germany someone else would do the same...?

You ask me what I want-
Well, I will never be your enemy, whatever you may do to me-
but I don't wanna be ``just friends''
I wanna be your man and that's all there is to say.

I stand here dreaming, waiting for a sign,
waiting to feel your passion, so please-
don't tell me that I'm waisting time...
don't tell me that you're out of mind...
don't tell me that you're unkind...
don't tell me anything I don't want to hear...
I'm not gonna listen anyway...
I've been waiting for you for all my life...
I'll come back to you soon...please hold the line...

And again, I'll be waiting, waiting (if I have to)
waiting 'til the end of time...